About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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