i can't believe i had my finger in that
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
