So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
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Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize