24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
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