none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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