so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
