Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
is that a dick in a sweater?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
