The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
