ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
