I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
