Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
