Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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