At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
They have beer where we have blood.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
