Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
