Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
