so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
