Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
