hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
i now understand why vodka
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
