I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
