Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
