why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
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