there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
