She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
