Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
