There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Randomize
