I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
