is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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