I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
