That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
