i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
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