So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Acid is not a monday night drug
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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