I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
