By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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