sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Randomize
