I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
