I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
She's the barista slut.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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