census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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