I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Randomize
