i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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