Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
