Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
