is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
