my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
