Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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