dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i love accidental penises.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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