wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
