Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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