I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Welp...herpes.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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