As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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