THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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