I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I need moral support for this bender
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
