Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
