But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
