You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
