I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Randomize
