Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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