She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
