idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
