i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
