I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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