is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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