look no pants
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
