Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
