please come you make the beer taste better
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
