Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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