So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
