I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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