Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
