I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
do herpes really smell.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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