went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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