his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
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She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
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I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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