Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
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