Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
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I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
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Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things ππ
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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