she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
