found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
