she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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