I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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