Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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