You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
